Am I ready to take the next step to forgive him???

For some strange reason I'm feeling some amount of peace toward my husband. I've been so angry with him & didn't feel it was worth trying to work things out because I felt he would never change or ever commit to me as he should. I'm hoping this feeling of ease will last a while longer, give me enough to last through our Memphis reception dinner! Only time will tell. I do realize how important he is to me & I want to have a healthy, happy life with him. I fell in love with Andy the first time I saw him in 1989. I was 15 & he was 21 as well as my supervisor. I tried to get his attention so many times, to no avail! When I turned 18 (& was legally attainable for hot sex), Andy took me to a strip club for my birthday. Unfortunately, hot sex was not to be had until 1999 when I was 25 & um, married. Not the best time to dip into our lust for each other, but it is what it is. I lost track of Andy in 2001 & was reaquainted w/ him this year in Mar. of 2008. To say we had a whirlwind courtship is an understatement but I was totally "Team Andy" by the end of our 1st "date" on Mar. 5th. We are going through some shit right now but I feel there's enough love & potential for me to not give up on my husband. I can't wait until he lives with me f/t in Nov. That's another story for another blog. Got to check off my MAR's at my nursing job. Gotta work some time, can't just spend all nite on the fucking computer, or can I????? Later, bitches!

This should be an awesome outlet...

My poor husband! I've worn him out w/ numerous questions as to his current decisions (ones I find inappropriate) & right now I'm afraid I'm going to piss him off. What I want to know is why I must know definate answers as to why he has chosen to behave in a particularly disrespectful way. I guess I'm tapping into my psychology vein. I just feel I will blow the said vein with my endless questions & then we sadly find ourselves back to -15 on the untolerable relationship scale. I'm tired of being stuck in the ugliness of what I have found out, but I feel as though I have, in some instances, married a stranger. I was speechless when I found his myspace & hotmail "conversations" & saved files. It certainly shocked the shit out of me!!! I guess I keep writing about it so I can get some relief. We'll see...